Anxiety in Children: What It Looks Like at Different Ages

Why anxiety doesn’t look the same in a preschooler, elementary-aged child, or teen — and how understanding developmental differences changes how we help.

Introduction: Anxiety Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All

When adults think about anxiety, they often imagine worry, racing thoughts, or verbal expressions of fear. But children experience — and express — anxiety very differently depending on their age and developmental stage.

At Building Bright Futures, we help families understand an important reality:

Anxiety in children often shows up through behavior, body responses, or avoidance — not words.

This article breaks down what anxiety can look like at different ages, why it changes over time, and how caregivers can respond in ways that support emotional regulation instead of increasing fear.

What Anxiety Really Is

Anxiety is the body’s protective alarm system. It exists to help us anticipate danger and stay safe.

In children, anxiety activates:

• the nervous system

• stress hormones

• heightened alertness

Occasional anxiety is normal and even healthy. It becomes concerning when anxiety:

• interferes with daily life

• feels constant or overwhelming

• limits participation or connection

Understanding how anxiety presents at each age helps caregivers respond appropriately.

Why Anxiety Looks Different Across Development

Children’s brains, language skills, and emotional awareness change rapidly as they grow.

Young children:

• feel anxiety in their bodies

• lack words to explain it

• rely on adults to interpret signals

Older children:

• develop awareness but may struggle to articulate fears

• internalize worries

• hide anxiety to avoid attention

Because of this, anxiety rarely looks the same from one stage to the next.

Anxiety in Infants & Toddlers (0–3 Years)

At this stage, anxiety is entirely nonverbal.

Common signs include:

• excessive clinginess

• difficulty separating from caregivers

• intense reactions to unfamiliar people or environments

• disrupted sleep

• increased irritability

This is often related to:

• separation anxiety

• sensory overload

• changes in routine

At this age, anxiety reflects nervous system sensitivity, not thought-based worry.

How Caregivers Can Help

Support looks like:

• predictable routines

• calm responses

• physical reassurance

• reducing overstimulation

• staying emotionally available

Young children borrow regulation from adults — calm adults help anxious bodies settle.

Anxiety in Preschoolers (3–5 Years)

Preschool-aged children begin to imagine, anticipate, and fear things they can’t fully understand.

Anxiety may show up as:

• fears of the dark, monsters, or being alone

• strong reactions to transitions

• avoidance of new activities

• frequent reassurance seeking

• stomachaches or headaches

Their imagination is powerful, but their reasoning skills are still developing.

How Caregivers Can Help

Helpful strategies include:

• validating fears without reinforcing them

• keeping explanations simple

• maintaining consistent routines

• offering reassurance through presence, not logic

Saying “I know that feels scary — I’m here” is often more effective than explanations.

Anxiety in Early Elementary School (6–8 Years)

As children enter school, anxiety often becomes more situational and performance-based.

Common signs include:

• school refusal

• perfectionism

• excessive worry about rules or mistakes

• difficulty with transitions

• physical complaints before school or activities

Children may feel pressure to meet expectations but lack coping tools.

How Caregivers Can Help

Support includes:

• emphasizing effort over outcomes

• reducing pressure around performance

• normalizing mistakes

• maintaining open communication

• helping children name emotions

At this age, children benefit from learning that discomfort is manageable.

Anxiety in Older Elementary & Pre-Adolescents (9–12 Years)

Anxiety often becomes more internalized during this stage.

Signs may include:

• overthinking

• withdrawal

• irritability

• avoidance of social situations

• increased self-criticism

• difficulty sleeping

Children may worry about:

• peer relationships

• academic performance

• fitting in

They may hide anxiety to avoid standing out.

How Parents and Caregivers Can Help

Helpful approaches include:

• open, non-judgmental conversations

• validating emotions without minimizing

• teaching coping strategies

• encouraging gradual exposure to challenges

• modeling calm problem-solving

Listening without immediately fixing builds trust.

Why Anxiety Often Looks Like Behavior

Across all ages, anxiety may appear as:

• refusal

• defiance

• meltdowns

• avoidance

• withdrawal

These behaviors are not willful misbehavior — they’re stress responses.

Understanding anxiety through this lens reduces frustration and improves support.

When to Seek Additional Support

Extra support may be helpful if anxiety:

• interferes with daily activities

• causes significant distress

• persists over time

• affects relationships or learning

Early support helps children build skills before anxiety becomes entrenched.

The BBF Approach

At Building Bright Futures, we support families by:

• helping caregivers understand anxiety developmentally

• reducing shame and fear

• providing stress-informed guidance

• supporting emotional regulation

• strengthening family and community connections

We focus on understanding first, strategies second.

Why Understanding Matters

When caregivers understand anxiety:

• responses become calmer

• children feel safer

• coping skills grow

• anxiety loses power

Knowledge creates confidence — for adults and children alike.

Supporting Your Child Moving Forward

If your child shows signs of anxiety, it doesn’t mean something is “wrong.” It means their nervous system is asking for support.

👇 Reach out to Building Bright Futures today to learn how our programs, resources, and family-centered support help children and caregivers build confidence, regulation, and emotional wellbeing — right here in our community.